Abstract. Self-regulation is the ability to control inner states or responses with respect to thoughts, emotions, attention, and performance.

The pro-social domain includes understanding how to get along with others, empathy and honesty.

Individuals who find a stressor to be more of a challenge (and report more positive affect, Lazarus and Folkman, 1984) may respond to another in need in a more prosocial manner. This is in contrast to individuals who find a stressor to be a threat (and produce more of a cortisol response).

7 Science-Backed Ways to Teach Your Child Self-Regulation

1. Help your child recognize the higher-goal.
2. Use naturally occurring situations to teach self-regulation strategies.
3. Acknowledge the challenge of regulation.
4. Have your child make a choice and a plan.
5. Play games that focus on self-regulation skills.
6. Remember self-regulation skills develop over a lifetime.

When a child becomes dysregulated it is important to co-regulate. This can be achieved through not focusing on the child’s behaviour but instead staying in the moment with them, empathising with facial gestures, calmly mirroring what they feel and accepting the expression of their feelings.

Co-regulation is defined as warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling children need to “understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors” (Murray et al. 2015, 14).

Co-regulation can take many forms. It typically involves warmth, a soothing tone of voice, communication that acknowledges the young person’s distress, supportive silence, and an invitation to reflective problem-solving.

An important step in co-regulation is the caregiver’s self-awareness. This entails noticing your own thoughts and emotions before, and in response to your child’s distress. This is important because it enables you to have better control of your response when you are aware of what you are thinking and how you feel.

Co-regulation (or coregulation) is a term used in psychology. It is defined most broadly as a “continuous unfolding of individual action that is susceptible to being continuously modified by the continuously changing actions of the partner”.

Here is the list of common co-regulation behaviors that you can add to your repertoire:

1. Light touch.
2. Rubbing your partner.
3. Putting an arm around your partner.
4. Massage.
5. Making and maintaining eye contact.
6. Using a soothing voice.
7. Audibly sighing in relief.
8. Leaning on one another.

Here are some pointers to get you started.

1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions. Intense emotions aren’t all bad.
2. Aim for regulation, not repression.
3. Identify what you’re feeling.
4. Accept your emotions — all of them.
5. Keep a mood journal.
6. Take a deep breath.
7. Know when to express yourself.
8. Give yourself some space.