A bereaved child or young person will probably display mood swings and may display behaviours that appear polar to the behaviours of the child / young person prior to their bereavement. For example, a previously gregarious and popular pupil might become sullen and withdrawn following the death of someone close.

Research shows that the death of a sibling adversely affects surviving children’s health, behavior, schoolwork, self-esteem and development. Surviving siblings may be troubled throughout life by a vulnerability to loss and painful upsurges of grief around the date that the sibling died.

Death is often explained to this age group as “went to heaven.” Most children in this age group don’t understand that death is permanent, that everyone and every living thing will eventually die, and that dead things don’t eat, sleep, or breathe. Death should not be explained as “sleep.”

Helping Your Child Deal With Death

1. When talking about death, use simple, clear words.
2. Listen and comfort.
3. Put emotions into words.
4. Tell your child what to expect.
5. Talk about funerals and rituals.
6. Give your child a role.
7. Help your child remember the person.
8. Respond to emotions with comfort and reassurance.

When dressing children for a funeral, make sure they are comfortable in what they are wearing. Dark attire is appropriate but not necessary as long as you keep their clothing subtle and understated. Make sure their shoes are clean and not worn looking.

How to explain death to your preschooler

1. Don’t dodge her questions.
2. Give brief, simple answers.
3. Express your own emotions.
4. Avoid euphemisms.
5. Tread carefully when discussing God and heaven.
6. Be prepared for a variety of reactions.
7. Expect the subject to come up repeatedly.
8. Memorialize the deceased.

Children old enough to know what is happening should generally be given the choice to attend and their decision respected. There is no right or wrong decision on whether children should or should not attend a funeral.

It may be appropriate to bring a younger child to a funeral if he/she is the son or daughter of the deceased. With the loss of a sibling, it usually is appropriate for children to attend the funeral. A child may in some way feel responsible for the sibling’s death or suffer from survivor guilt.

Explain Where You Are The first visit is a fine opportunity to teach the purpose of a cemetery. You might explain it as a place to remember and honor those who have died. Connecting the deceased with a physical location may help your child understand that someone he loved didn’t just suddenly disappear.

Explain that the child will see that person’s body in a big box called a casket. Also tell the children that it will look like he or she is sleeping, but it is not the person we remember, it is just their ”body”—another word that is important to use.

Your behavior should allow those around you to mourn without distraction. There may be an open casket. At most services, you are welcomed to walk forward prior to the service to pay respects at the casket. Do not touch the body or any of the surrounding items or flowers.