CLASS. Death and funerals follow a very strict process in Japan. There are certain protocols that the Japanese follow as part of funeral procedures and, while flowers feature in the funeral itself, sympathy flowers are not the norm in Japanese culture.

The red spider lily, or higanbana, Japan’s death flower — Tokyo Times.

crimson-colored lotus

This is the only time in Japan when it is proper for two people to hold the same item at the same time with chopsticks. At all other times, two people holding anything with chopsticks at the same time will remind everyone of the funeral of a close relative causing everyone to break down and cry for hours on end.

1. If someone actually died, the standard ご愁傷様です (goshuushousama desu) is equivalent to, “I am sorry for your loss.”
2. If something unfortunate happened to someone, but no one is dead, I generally go with お気の毒です (okino doku desu).
3. Another option is, それは、残念です (soreha zannen desu).

Koden (香典) is a term to refer to a gift of money offered to the dead at a Buddhist funeral. Koden is sometimes written “香奠” and is also called Koryo (香料).

The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief

• I am so sorry for your loss.
• I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
• I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
• You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
• My favorite memory of your loved one is…
• I am always just a phone call away.

The kichu-fuda is a mourning custom which lasts one day. The wake itself, where family and friends is called tsuya, which literally means “the passing of the night.” The wake is held as soon after the death as is possible. Guests are seated with the closest relatives and immediate family seated in the front.

When they die, most people in Japan are cremated, although burial is an option in some municipalities. Generally, the ashes of Japanese nationals are buried in family graves in Japan. Most ceremonies are Buddhist, although other types of religious ceremonies are possible.